


Helpful Suggestions

by Kass



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Collection: Purimgifts Day 2, Other, Purim, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-01-13 19:03:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1237549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kass/pseuds/Kass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I was thinking..." He paused for dramatic effect. "French maid. Or maybe one of those sexy nurse costumes."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Helpful Suggestions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DWEmma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DWEmma/gifts).



"Got a costume for Purim yet?"

Lisa barely kept herself from jumping out of her skin. Her office had been dark; the door had been locked; she had assumed there was no one inside. Which would have been a reasonable assumption, except for the existence of Greg House.

"I'm not going to ask how you know about Rachel's Purim carnival," she said wearily, turning on the light. House was sitting in her desk chair with his feet propped on her desk. "And get the hell out of my chair."

He levered himself to standing and leaned on his cane. "It wasn't exactly difficult to deduce. Jewish preschool."

"Point," Lisa acknowledged. "Move it."

And he did, limping around the edge of her desk to lean one hip on the other side. "I was thinking..." He paused for dramatic effect. "French maid. Or maybe one of those sexy nurse costumes." He gestured toward the camisole she was wearing beneath her white coat. "Of course, you'd have to go even lower-cut than that. Is that even possible?"

"Who would wear a sexy nurse costume to a preschool?" She really shouldn't have dignified his jibe with a response, but she couldn't help herself.

"Oh, right." He put on a pretend face of serious consideration. "And I just remembered, you're supposed to dress like something you're not."

"In point of fact, I'm neither a maid nor an RN," Lisa pointed out. "Why are you an expert on Jewish tradition all of a sudden?" She sat down and pulled her laptop out of her briefcase. "But hey, maybe you could dress up as a genuinely nice human being for a change."

"Wilson's shirts won't fit," House proclaimed grandly.

"Not big enough to contain your prodigious ego?" She opened her email program. How were there 42 new messages just since she'd left home this morning?

"Is that what they're calling it nowadays," House quipped, waggling an eyebrow. This time she really didn't dignify it with a response.

After a moment of silence, he picked up the thread again. "Also, I'm not convinced Wilson actually qualifies as a nice guy. You should hear the things he says about the nursing staff when he's had a few too many."

"I really shouldn't," Lisa said firmly. "House, it's eight in the morning. Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Wilson's doing my clinic hours," he said. "I paid him off with blowjobs."

"That is really more than I wanted to know," she muttered. She wasn't sure whether or not House was yanking her chain, but she wasn't about to ask him. "Whatever: I don't care where you go. Just get out of my office. _Now._ "

"Fine, don't get your panties in a twist," House said, moving with a wince off of her desk and leaning hard on his cane. He was most of the way to the door when he stopped and turned. Lisa braced herself for whatever zinger was on its way. "Whatever costume you pick," he suggested, "make sure there's room for a hip flask. Kiddie carnivals are a lot more bearable that way."

"Thanks," Lisa said dryly. "I think."

* * *

[ ](http://tinypic.com?ref=2ahy0w)


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